Because
I rock steady
As the broadsides roar
Seen an MC stowing a whore, flung him by the board
It came on a blow, I defied the waves to crash
By the naval traditions of rum, sodomy, and the lash
So kiss my full-grown ass
And reef the topgallant sheets
I tell a North Sea Story over pirated beats
Water, water, every where,
And all the boards did shrink;
Water, water, every where,
Nor any drop to drink.
I was below, feeling pitiful low, when the lookout cried,
“Sail ahoy!” and the hands came alive
It was the Constitution out of Boston, there on the full tide
A lawful prize. How I longed to wipe that ship of the line’s eye!.
She tried to fly, upon my sacred word of honor,
But we had the faster hull and the weather gauge on her
We drew up on her leeward side, fired a blast
Dismasted and boarded her, called out, “Hold fast!”
My head wasn’t right, I’d ate a fistful of uppers
Many a man’s blood swirled off through the scuppers
Her captain had the honor to present me his cutlass
But I strung up that sucker MC from the foretopmast

I’m a stalwart old salt, my beard is flecked with white
And I can chase you ‘round the flames of perdition by moonlight
I’d give my good right hand for a band of able seamen
‘Stead of this passel of SoundCloud rappers I been leading
Ancient I be, a crisscross of scars tells my tale
A predatory derelict, a relic from the age of sail
Handsomely there by that taffrail, you scurvy dog
Don’t give me a reason to cut you off your grog
Clear for action! We shall beat to quarters!
I got sharpshooters up in the tops to snipe the boarders
The sea is up, and the waves creaming over the stern
Our only mission is to capture, sink, or burn
If you see our frigate upon the next sun’s rising
Or spot us hull up on yonder Western horizon
You’re faced with a mariner who steers by the stars
And there’ll be the devil to pay when I cut your spars
'God save thee, ancient Mariner!
From the fiends that plague thee thus!—
Why look'st thou so?'—With my crossbow
I shot that albatross.